Umm I'm too high to move.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
