I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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