Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
