No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
