So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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