And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
