Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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