I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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