We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
