he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
