my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
