So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
