shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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