1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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