They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
