beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
