he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
