So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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