Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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