I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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