I just pynch a tree in the face
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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