if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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