Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
