As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
