How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she smelled like a LAN party
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
