I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
