I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
