Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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