batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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