A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
