Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
