So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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