Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
