im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
