Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize