when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
