i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
