some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
