Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
