she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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