I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize