I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
