Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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