You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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