You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
