is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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