I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
