4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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