I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
