yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
