My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
