Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
