I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
