the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
