do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
