if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
