i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
