i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
