I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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