me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize