Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
