The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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